Tears of a clown…or so we think.

I’m sitting here at the end of the school day in my room. And I can hear a student sobbing in the hallway. He’s a special education kiddo. Who knows what his background is or what his homelife is like. He’s a new student that I have yet to know. I can’t help but think, after knowing what I do know of some students, that he is in trouble with the special education teacher; a teacher that is well known for waiting until the last possible minute before getting a student in trouble. Why is this boy crying? All I can think of is that it’s a nationalized test week. The teachers are burnt out, the students are burnt out. The student misbehaves, and eventually gets in trouble.

At home, who knows what “getting in trouble at school.” will look like. For some, it’s an afternoon inside without video games. For others it might even be a night without dessert. But for some many it means a whoping, a wipping, or maybe even a plain-out beat down. Theses are the kids that I constantly worry will never be able to learn much from the discipline a school tries to give. A detention is no longer a detention for these few; no longer an hour diverted from outdoor play, but a full evening the night before, the night of, and maybe the night after where they are beaten and berated by those that are supposed to care for them. Unfortunately, due to the current turmoil of the economy, it seems that this is becoming more and more common.

I ask everyone that reads this blog to join in a collective prayer for these students. They need our love more than we could possibly imagine.

Leap of Faith

For those of you that don’t know, I’m leaving the security of my current job behind. I have been working in an area of education that not only do I feel uncomfortable in, but that is prohibiting me from being able to focus on the area that I am certified in, English Language Arts. On top of that, the school I am at seems more than willing to keep me where I’m at instead of moving me to a position in which I would be highly qualified.

On October 30, the day before Samhain, ironically, I will officially be done at my job. I will be going into substituting and being a full time graduate student. I’m hoping to be able to find a full time teaching position for next fall. This seems to be the best decision I have made in a long time. I have lost the depression that I was deeply drowned in and have begun to see a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that I haven’t seen in a very long time.

On top of this potentially life changing event is the other, more important one: Joe and I have finally tied the knot. :-) We were married on October 3rd in a very small, beautiful ceremony. I’m hoping to have pitures up sometime in the near future both on here and the family blog.

Mind over Matter

This is something I’ve been missing a lot of as of late. Using my mind to help control the matter. I’ve been having a really hard time this past summer staying focused when it comes to pretty much anything. Since starting TaeKwonDo, it has gotten better, but it’s still not perfect. In Paganism, like any other religion, it’s important to have a firm mental grasp on what you are doing. If you’re working on spell work only to be thinking about the next episode of a show coming on tonight, you’re obviously not focused enough. Is your spell going to have the same effect as if you were focused? Not so much.

Mind over matter.

I love how this concept of reflecting to see whether or not we are focused is writtin, and I really agree with it.

“However it is important for we witches not to take ourselves too seriously.  Life on this Earth Plain is not reality.  It is more like a cosmic game of badminton. While on court it is easy to forget that our real life lies beyond. The game is not reality; it’s just a game. Our lives on earth are like that game. When the game is over we retire to the astral coach’s office for a thorough debriefing. We learn from our experiences and can apply the lessons in our other lives; other games of badminton.”

Lughnasadh, Lunasa or Lammas

Those three names that I just listed share one thing in common: they are a holiday in Paganism. Actually, they are the same holiday, but with different names. While trying to attune my life to Nature and the Courses she chooses me to take, I can’t help but think that this is a holiday that I have missed every year since I first started calling myself Pagan.

Lammas, as I tend to call it, normally falls on either July 31 or August 1. Traditionally on August 1, Lammas (loaf-mass day) is the first of three harvest festivals in Paganism; the other two being Mabon and Samhain. Since Lammas is traditioanlly the first wheat harvest of the year, it was customary in England to bring a loaf of bread into the church with you. A farmer was also bound to deliver the first cuts of wheat to the landlord on this day as well.

I’m hoping that this year I will have time to make a loaf of wheat bread by hand in honor of the holiday, and possibly make some sort of holiday hanging out of cut wheat to have out during the 3 days before and after, but we’ll see if I come up with any ideas on that.

In all reality, I’m really excited that I noticed Lammas was coming up since it looks like we might at leas get some mild harvest out of the potatoes and peas. Not much else will be ready unfortunately. But, apparently patience is a Course that Nature wants me to understand fully this Moon Cycle.

Goodness! Speaking of bread, I just realized I might want to get working on that loaf I need to do today. It will be interesting, seeing how I’m thinking I might try not using the full cycle on the machine and bake it off in the oven. Joe seems to gripe a bit when it’s not “bread shaped.”

New post at family blog.

Just a note to let you all know that there’s a new post up at the family blog: http://multifariousraymonds.wordpress.com/.

“When the student is ready, the master appears.” ~Buddhist Proverb

Perchance, now that we have a family blog in the works, I should use this to delve more into religions and finding myself again? I know that there are those, including family members, that may read this and be shocked, confused, worried, annoying, upset, frustrated…what have you by my religious choice, but I see no reason not to be open here about who I am and what I believe in. After all, if you are one who loves me and reads this, would you love me any less if you knew me any more? If so, than there may be a problem between us anyhow.

While I do not consider myself Wiccan, only a Kitchen Witch, I have found the most curious site: http://www.wiccacourse.co.uk/intro.htm. Said site is an interesting free course that is to help teach the basic premise of Wicca. Since all Pagan religions follow along the same life lines, I have decided to work through all the  monographs, or sections, of this course and post what I find interesting/thought provoking here.

I think part of what really caught my attention was the quote that starts off the entire series of pages:

“To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen
to what the world tells you, you ought to prefer, is to have
kept your soul alive.” — Robert Louis Stevenson.

The reason this strikes me so vividly is that Robert Louis Stevenson is one of my favorite all-time authors. (Many of you will only remember that he wrote Treasure Island.) Needless to say, I feel as though this might be one of those signs that one just can’t ignore.

Before I continue onward, I feel that there may be some myths that I should dispell about Paganism. While I can’t stand doing this over and over again, there seems to be a good deal of people out there that still have no intellectual ability of their own to over-come the common non-truths about Paganism.

MISCONCEPTION #1: PAGANISM IS SATANIC.

For one, Satan is purely a Christian belief. In order for one to even believe in Satan you must believe in Christian ideas. Even “Satanists” don’t really worship Satan, but that’s an entirely different topic.

MISCONCEPTION #2: THE PENTECAL AND PENTAGRAM ARE SATANIC SYMBOLS

The meaning behind the pentagram (this five pointed star) encompases the five pieces of life: earth, fire, wind, air, and spirit. When encompassed in a circle, forming a pentacal, this signifies the five creating the whole. The entire concept of the pentagram and pentacle being “evil” didn’t originate until a mass murdered used the inverted form as his signature and then Hollywood perpetuated it. In reality, the pentagram and pentacle in the normally position (5th point up) means that you are ruled by the spirit and one with the Divine. Inverted, the symbols mean that there is too much going on in your physical realm to put emphasis on the Divine and you are renewing your vows from the bottom up.

Hilariously, these are the only two big things I can think of. I think that mainly has to deal with the idea that other “misconceptions” are not such, they are just people being too lazy to be open minded about things. I will say that I am more than open to answering people’s questions about Paganism as I go along with this. Hopefully this little adventure won’t only help myself, but others as well.

Hmph.

Motivation is something that I am severely lacking as of right now. I have no motivation to do anything. I could be a regular American moron and blame it on the weather, but I know that’s not it. I guess I’m just not seeing where the point lies in striving to reach a potential I don’t know exists. The only thing that has speared me on all day is the idea of going to TaeKwonDo tonight. While I guess that’s something, it seems really odd that I don’t even want to spend time with my kiddos. Ideally,  I want to just hide away and never come out.

My greatgrandmother passed away. I should be sad, but I’m not. I think I’ll talk to mom later and see if she feels it’s important for me to go to teh wake and all that stuff. I have no idea how dad feels about it, but I’m so tired of living to other people’s beliefs to appease them. Personally, I never knew the lady and have no want to go to any of the ridiculous ceremonies that encompany the loss of someone’s physical being. With Grammy Vaughn it’s different. She was mom’s mom. She was my grandmother. I knew her.

I’m also tired of some people saying “well if you lived closer” or “if we had lived closer to them” when it comes to me not knowing family members. That’s such bull. There are just those family members that I don’t know because they are vastly different from me and thus I have no reason to want to know them. If you’re going to use words like “nigger” and “Jap” around me, than I want nothing to do with you. If you are going to sit there and talk to me about skinning and killing innocent animals for the hell of it, I hope such a thing happens to you in some life. If you’re going to make fun of me and tease me because I believe in being culturally aware and sensitive, then screw off. I want nothing to do with you.

Maybe this is why I have no focus. I have too much hostility in me for such meditative things. I hope I can burn it all off tonight.Bah.

It’s hump day!

So yesterday’s idea of working through a schedule hit a bit of a snag in the afternoon. I came down with a wicked headache that I had to nurse so that I could make it to TaeKwonDo. There’s no way I’m going to miss my classes! Speaking of which, next week is a stripe session, which makes me very nervous. I’m hoping I can hit the first six moves as the would give me my first stripe. But, I’m going to try to not get my hopes up. I will focus on the goal, yes, but not get upset if I don’t reach it.

8:45 — Take shower, dress, get ready for day, etc.

9:15 — Take Belle for walk.

9:30 — Let Jacks out while knitting.

10:00 — Work on applications for school districts/articles

12:00 — Lunch time.

12:30 — Walk to P.O.

1:00 — Clean, cut, and freeze strawberries.

2:00 — Coffee/tea/knitting break

2:30 — Fold laundry and get next load going.

3:00 — Dishes, dishes, and more dishes!

4:00 — Knitting break

4:15 — Work on picking up kitchen. Get rid of all the piles, make sure things are put where they belong.

5:30 — Decide on dinner/make in time for Joe to get home.

6:30 — Take Belle for walk.

6:45 — Dishes.

7:15 — Let Jacks out.

.

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” ~Dereke Bruce

I don’t know if I have ever used that Dereke Bruce quote before, but I probably have. I simply love it. I’m not really sure who the man is, as best I can tell some animal rights activist, but I think he had hit the nail on the head with this one. Now owning one of both, I can really agree to that. However, I think I would also add something along the lines of the defiance of a rabbit and the irritability of a lovebird.

I’ve decided that it’s high time I try to get into some sort of schedule even though I’m not currently employed for the summer. At best cas I’ll have a job next week. Worst case scenario is that I remain temporarily unemployed. Regardless as to what happens, I feel that I have not been filling my day with enough as I have been constantly grazing like the cattle up the road. So thus, I’m planning on trying my hardest to stick to the following itinerary:

8:45 — Take shower, dress, get ready for day, etc.

9:15 — Take Belle for walk.

9:30 — Let Jacks out while knitting.

10:00 — Work on applications for school districts.

12:00 — Lunch time.

12:30 — Walk to P.O.

1:00 — Finish applications. If finished earlier, work on Helium articles.

2:00 — Coffee/tea/knitting break

2:30 — Fold laundry and get next load going.

3:00 — Dishes, dishes, and more dishes!

4:00 — Knitting break

4:15 — Work on picking up kitchen. Get rid of all the piles, make sure things are put where they belong.

5:30 — Decide on dinner/make in time for Joe to get home.

5:55 — Leave for TaeKwonDo

7:15 — Take Belle for walk.

7:30 — Let Jacks out.

Hopefully this will help me be a little more “on it” than what I have been the past week.

Oh! I’m hoping that this idea will help me post here more often: I’m going to start posting the Word of the Day from the linked page. Today’s is:

promissory

(adjective) [PROM-i-sor'-ee, PROM-i-soer'-ee]

1. relating to or having the character of a promise: “Todd apologized for tormenting the cat, and reinforced his commitment to better behavior with a promissory nod.”

2. indicating how the terms of an insurance contract will be carried out

Origin

Approximately 1450; from Medieval Latin, ‘promissorius’; from Latin, ‘promissor’: one who promises, from ‘promissus,’ past participle of ‘promittere’: to promise.

It’s been over a month…

…since my last post, so I figured it was time to do one.

The new girl and our old boy are getting along very well. Granted, Belle, the border collie, is very unpermissive about allowing Ashes on the bed at night, so we’re trying to get her to know that she is not allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. It worked last night: Ashes was able to come up on the bed and spend the entire night with me. :-)

In the work world, there’s been no new bites as far as a classroom position goes, which is really depressing. However, I have an interview next Tuesday for a very houghty-tougthy clothing store in Waterville for a part-time gig. Who knows how many hours a week it may be, but it would be much better than nothing, I suppose.

On that same note, I’m kind of enjoying not having to work. I’ve been getting more done around the house and have actually have had time to cook! Last night I made no-bake cookies containing raw sugar, real butter, and real peanut butter for the first time. I think they came out even better than with the “regular” stuff! Also, as I type, I have soft-set strawberry jam working in the bread machine. I can’t wait to see how it tastes!