“Am I more than you bargained for yet
I’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that’s just who I am this week”
~ Sugar We’re Going Down by Fall Out Boy
So the events fo the past week or so have me thinking a ton about who I was and what I was in high school. It’s hilarious, it really is. Even though I’m older, I haven’t changed. Others feel I have, but the only thing that has changed is aI’m more confident and I care less and less as to what people think of me as each day goes on. The oddes thing is, is even though we’re so very different, I talk to my cousin, and I see myself. I really do. It’s kind of creepy. But on that same note, it’s kind of nice.
I’ve been lighting candles again. Not as often as I would like. I’m also working on getting an altar set uyp on my beaurea again. I’m hoping this summer to have an outdoor one set up. I need this. I do. I need to not be afaid of everything. All signs are pointing to that. I even saw the eagle again last week on my way to work. It’s been a very interesting month indeed.
I miss my grandfather, which is odd. Even odder given circumstances, but that’s alright. I’ve never been normal when it comes to dealing with death and dying. He’s been gone for about three years, but I still turn to him more that anyone else in my family. Odd. I think that it’s a good sign, though. For some reason I always think of him when things start getting tough, and I finally make it out. Lately, the road’s been darker than what I care for. The severe depression has been rearing it’s ugly head again, but I’m still trying to beat that beast down without beating myself down at the same time.
So I’m noticing that today’s entry has been more of the random than anything else. I’m guessing that shows anyone that reads this how screwed up my thought process is right now.
Work’s been increased to more hours. I’m kind of dreading it, especially since the other ed. tech. that’s now working with me knows nothing about math whatsoever, which means that I’m planning for all the groups, even though I’m only working with half of them. I’m hoping that the planning I have set up will outlast the MEAs to that I don’t have to do any more for a while. Also, I’m in charge of administering the makeup MEAs. Lovely, eh? That’s alright. It means 34 hours a week instead of 27 for the time being, which is well welcomed.
I’m taking a course. It’s unforunately an RTI course, which means it might be boring as all get out, but it’s paid for by the school district, so I really can’t complain too much. Granted, that’s paid for if I get a B or better, but I can garuntee that won’t be much of a problem for me. I’m already ahead of the game.
Time for me to jet. A little bit of Rockband and forgetting my issues. Lord and Lady let me sleep tonight. Let the night be long. Daylight is the enemy of the mind that needs to breath.