A Mouse's Tale

Random scurryings of a writer.

Trying to get back on track…

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.  ~Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973

The past few weeks…or maybe I should even say months…have felt me feeling a little more than on edge. For some odd reason, I can’t seem to find myself right now. I thought I had it down well, and then a hard wind came and blew a tree into my path, causing a detour, and now I can’t find my way back to the path. I know it sounds very cliche, and trust me, I hate that it does, but I’m having a hell of a time tracking down how I got through all of this last time this year.

The lack of a teaching job is once more putting me into a bad place emotionally. I try not to let it, but it wins every time. I’m trying to get a job, trust me. The market is just not there. Now that’s I’ve been out of college for three years with my degree, I’m wondering if maybe to the districts I look “stale,” even though I’m working on my Master’s and still staying employed in ways that keeps me working with kids at the middle and high school age ranges.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe this is the cosmos’ way of telling me that I am in no way meant to be a teacher, that there is something else I’m supposed to be doing with my time. The question is: What? There are no passions that I can stick to for more than a few days without waning on them. I love to draw, but have to be in the mood. I love to craft, but don’t have the want to make it a career. I love to cook, but only if I’m allowed free-reign on the recipes. I love to write, but I’m desperately afraid of rejection.

There are so many things to think on, and I’m not sure where to start…


One response to “Trying to get back on track…

  1. sensiblevermonter September 1, 2010 at 4:37 am

    We all have those bouts of self-doubt and confusion. The fact that you find yourself lost is okay once in awhile, because you’re surrounded by people that can help keep you company until you find the path again. And I hope now, with a new chapter about to open, you’ll find your way back quickly. :)

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