Trying to get back on track…
August 20, 2010
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People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973
The past few weeks…or maybe I should even say months…have felt me feeling a little more than on edge. For some odd reason, I can’t seem to find myself right now. I thought I had it down well, and then a hard wind came and blew a tree into my path, causing a detour, and now I can’t find my way back to the path. I know it sounds very cliche, and trust me, I hate that it does, but I’m having a hell of a time tracking down how I got through all of this last time this year.
The lack of a teaching job is once more putting me into a bad place emotionally. I try not to let it, but it wins every time. I’m trying to get a job, trust me. The market is just not there. Now that’s I’ve been out of college for three years with my degree, I’m wondering if maybe to the districts I look “stale,” even though I’m working on my Master’s and still staying employed in ways that keeps me working with kids at the middle and high school age ranges.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe this is the cosmos’ way of telling me that I am in no way meant to be a teacher, that there is something else I’m supposed to be doing with my time. The question is: What? There are no passions that I can stick to for more than a few days without waning on them. I love to draw, but have to be in the mood. I love to craft, but don’t have the want to make it a career. I love to cook, but only if I’m allowed free-reign on the recipes. I love to write, but I’m desperately afraid of rejection.
There are so many things to think on, and I’m not sure where to start…