May 20, 2011
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There’s been a lot going on as of late. As I wrote in my last post, there is a greater need for privacy in some realms and for more specific and lengthy communication in others. This is one of the many pieces in my life that is currently twisting like a kaleidoscope.
Finances have been tight and are causing me copious amounts of stress. Due to the heavy winter, as many of those in New England know, the oil prices went up along with the amount needed to keep warm. The budget for this was not adequate to meet the sudden changes. We’re dealing with this best we can, but we’re also planning for the next winter. As I type this we literally have half of what we need for our wood stove, including the stove itself, sitting in our living room. It’s a mixed bag of feelings: on one hand, I’m glad that we’ll be burning a cleaner fuel source, and cheaper. On the others, it’s a constant tug of war as to what we put what little money we have extra into.
Compounding this is my current work situation. Right now I’m working full time, but through a temp agency. The date of my possible closure on this job keeps moving. Granted it’s in the right direction, I hate the constant change and not knowing. While I like the job, it’s not teaching, but I fear that goal is still a long way off. I’m learning to make due with it. Along with the not knowing comes the lack of accountability on the part of some other co-workers. It’s maddening to see such inner staff issues and I’ve only been here a month.
Graduate school is another area that is a bit tumultuous right now. I’ve been debating about changing my concentration — but to what? What would help be get into teaching at the collegiate level? What would be more promising in a job search? Is there really a point in finishing my MALS?
As far as family is concerned, there is a lot that is twisting in that area as well. I have one cousin whom I’m afraid for due to poor choices. A third seems to be taking on more responsibility than we all know he can handle. There are other family issues as well that may not be sorted out in the near future due to people unwilling to talk and more willing to hide behind rude remarks and gossip. The golden, positive light to the family issues is that I have one cousin who I am immensely proud for taking the steps she needs to better herself and her life. I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of a single member of my family in my life.
Amidst all of these challenges and changes is the need to try and stay positive. To let things go. To simply move on. I’ve always tried to keep a peaceful and tranquil life. Unfortunately sometimes in order to do that you need to shake out the rugs, wipe off the dust, and move the furniture around. Some people won’t like how things come out. Many will question why you moved the sofa and whether or not the shade of paint really works in the room. In the long run, does it really matter how others view the area? It’s your room, after all.